Tis' the season for many things including my favorite, the year in review…I just love those video montages that each and every new s program does this time of year. I will actually sit still and watch them (which ask Ryan, doesn’t happen often). As I was doing some chores today I started thinking… what would my life have been like if everything that I wanted to happen happened…

First, I would be married to John Elway of the Denver Broncos. This would have been some serious legal issues with this one. Considering I was only in the 6th Grade with this fantasy started and I even had a song composed with to the tune of “Someday my Prince will come.” Who knows if that is the right title? I use to watch him play in the Superbowl with his long hair (because he wouldn’t cut it until they won), and horrible orange uniforms. I had a horrible orange sweatshirt with that horse coming out of the D. Good thing that didn’t materialize…

Second, I would have been married with children by the age of 25. I really have to laugh at this one looking back at this wish/goal. At 25 I was nowhere near being ready to be a wife or a mother. I guess in my teens I had considered 25 to be old. Now almost at 30 I guess I need to redefine old, because 30 isn’t it either. I would have not been a very calm wife or mother at 25. Not saying that I am the pillar of calm or most Zen person now, but looking back on life then, no way.

Third, I should be thankful that I listened to my mom about changing my life goals. My threshold of making it in life would be ownership of pager, cell phone, and a nice car. At that point in my life I would be important and I would be “somebody”. She set me straight by telling me that I could be a drug dealer and has all of those. I needed change the standards.

Lastly, I am to share with you the colleges I wanted to attend and the reasons, thank goodness it didn't happen. I was looking into Tennessee because I wanted to be a Volunteer. Duke because I wanted to watch another Christian Laettner play basketball. Another one would have been Ball State because they were known as the number one party school. I guess Harvard, Stanford and Brown weren’t ever on my radar, nothing about academics was a part of my original criteria. Funny to think about it now.

At least someone else is watching out for me and doesn’t let me get too far off the track. I can’t imagine changing my life in any way. I think Rascal Flatts says it best in their Broken Road song.
Enjoy your holiday season and be thankful for all the things that didn’t happen!

Self-Help Books

I have decided to come clean about my obsession with self-help books. I just can't seem to get enough of them. Not one particular author, but many and on many different aspects to fix my life. Its funny to me now to be writing this, because I am trying to figure out when this fascination started. I remember that one of the counselor I saw after my first panic attacks suggested a book on some topic. After I had read the book and completed all of the reflection questions at the end of each chapter I felt so completely empowered. Empowered to do so many things that I wouldn't allow myself to do. I had always convinced myself that I was afraid of things, such as heights, roller coasters, and anything else to fit the situation. Still glowing from my sense of empowerment and new found freedom, I went to Valleyfair with my best friends. I went on every single roller coaster, drop from the sky ride, and shoot you in the air ride at the park. I was on cloud nine.
As I sit here years later knowing all of the things that I have accomplished throughout the years of self-help book reading, I am a bit sadden by my subsequent choice to quit reading these books. I think I have been reading too much about the way things should be than experiencing the way things work for me. I appreciate all of the volumes that brought me to this place in life, even though there are not enough on how to deal with being fired from a job or dealing with the divorce of your parent, but I am respectfully not going to visit that part of the library or Barnes & Noble.
Hopefully, the amount of money I will not be spending in that section will not send it into foreclosure. For my sake, I am making the right move...freedom I am back again!
Now, if I could just get rid of my "to do list"....

The other day I was driving somewhere and noticed quite a few people standing on the street corner with cardboard signs up for food and money. I can't imagine how I would feel standing there asking people for money and food. I noticed the lady would not put her head up. She looked embarrassed and absolutely devastated. Some hold out there Veterans' card to prove their sign that states they are a veteran is correct. That same gentleman actually has a part of his sign that thanks people and lets people know he has made enough to feed himself for the day. My first question is about the thought process that gets people out onto Silverdale Way in Silverdale to ask for money and food? Does this mean that the food bank hasn't helped them or are they not taking advantage of these services? Or does it mean that we are running out of services? I wish I knew the answer and maybe that is my call to action. I don't think I can set out realistically to feed everyone, but maybe some.
My other complex problem is, " What if these people make more money on the corner than they would working?" I have heard stories of people makes hundreds of dollars begging on street corners in big cities and so part of me wonders about that thought. In all honest, Silverdale isn't really a big city...maybe they don't make hundreds. But, I wonder how much they do make?
For me it is better to error on the side that the people standing out there truly are in need of aid and other assistance for many reasons. I pray for them and their families.

Marriage

As I sit here tonight I want to talk about marriage. I should preface this to say that I have only been married for approximately 9 months. Yep, 9 months. I am not an expert in this field, but I think I might have something to add to the conversation. When I imagined what life would be like to be married, I guess I had that childhood fantasy type dream. We would never fight, we would never say a mean thing, and we would never....you fill in the blank. Now, I absolutely LOVE my husband and wouldn't trade him for the world, but I think people should know what they are getting into. I have to laugh because all of the "house" I played as a child was not a mimicking of what marriage is. My sister and I use to play all of the time. We were married to NFL players, Kelly was with Tommy Kramer and I was, of course, with John Elway. I have often thought that childhood games can somewhat prepare us for adulthood. This I have found is not always the case.
First, the most important thing for a successful marriage is communication and I don't think I am the first one to say that, but I will say its UNDERSTANDING each others' communication. I can say something and Ryan can answer and it seems like we agree but have said the exact opposite of what we really mean. Just writing this makes me laugh thinking of the times when we look at each other and state, "What are we talking about?"
The next most important item would be to relax. Now, I am a pretty up-tight and high-strung individual and Ryan isn't. This is why we work so well together. I freak out and it doesn't seem to phase him. I could only wish for this trait. But, the more I listen to him and watch him, the more I understand this concept. I was reading a daily devotional and it said I needed to have a worry jar. In this worry jar I put all of my worries on little slips of paper and then place them into this jar. Now, you can decorate this jar to make it more personal, etc.... I have not personalize mine, but I keep it where I can see it. The point of this jar is that you put your worries into the jar and then there on God's to do list. What a wonderful concept. There are some pretty big things in there, but they are not mine to worry about anymore.
I am going to round out my list with this third item...learn not to keep tabs on things. Our biggest discussion usually revolves around Peanut and walking him at night. Such a dumb argument. But we consistently find ourselves there. Is funny because Ryan will do other things that I should probably do more of, for example, ironing my uniform. I hate ironing. I guess to keep this somewhat short, don't be concerned with tabs.
So, what have we learned? Marriage is not easy. Not in the least. Quite rewarding and a good learning process on how to handle one's self and child like behaviors. I have experience some pretty funny behaviors that would be considered childish to get my way. It doesn't work, and I can't believe Ryan could see through me!
I must say that I am also humbled by couples who have children. I pray for all of you often. We are going to have them someday and I hope we are as good as others I have seen!!!

A Letter to my neighbor across the way...

Dear Neighbor,

I don't know you personally, but I have never actually seen you in the flesh. The reason I know you exist is because I hear you. I hear you screaming foul four letter words, threats, and other various things at your granddaughter. Now, you may wonder how I know she is your granddaughter? Because I have asked other neighbors who have seen you. From what I hear, your granddaughter lives in fear of both you and your son (her father). I don't know if this is the first impression that you wanted to make to all of your neighbors, but that is one you have made. I your tirades I have sat on my deck almost to the point of tears for the way you handle yourself with your granddaughter. Don't worry, I have called 9-1-1 twice, but they have told me to do various things, such as, filing a noise complaint with the apartment complex and calling back when you started again. One time an officer actually came but you weren't in your true form and so they left.
Now, I will admit that I don't know what is happening in your apartment during all the screaming, but when I hear your granddaughter pleading and screaming not to hurt her again or not to tell her daddy, I have to think that you are the adult in control of this situation. To be fair to you, maybe you are overwhelmed and in need of some services. I have tried to get you those services, but have come up empty. One of the most severe screaming and yelling episodes I did call the Child Protection Services of Washington. I simply didn't know what else to do. They asked me a number of descriptive questions about your granddaughter and I could answer many, because I have never seen her. Its funny because our buildings share a swing set that usually has a number of children playing on it.
My sole purpose in this is to try you to get the help your family needs desperately. I refuse to be the person that will not make the call because its not my responsibility. This is my responsibility, especially when I can hear it over the television, while I am preparing dinner, and sitting on my deck. It is absolutely heart-wrenching and needs to stop. I hope and pray for your family and your situation. I hope one day to see your granddaughter outside playing on the playground equipment that is in between our buildings. Please let me know if I can help you in way possible.

With Regards,
Your Concerned Neighbor

Jobs....well hunting them.

Since moving to Washington I have been working part-time with Weight Watchers and of course completing my Navy Reserve time. I have also been looking for a more full-time or part-time job to fill in the other hours of my day. I should graduate in December with my Master's and probably should have something set-up for the re-payment of the student loans. Well, that was my plan anyway. I should remember who is really in-charge of my and everything goes according to God's plan. Now, I wish I could convince him otherwise some days, but you just can't argue with the professionals. Anyway, I found out today that I was not selected for one of the many jobs that I had applied to and been interviewed twice. Now, being of the age I am and hopefully increasing in my wisdom, I should remember to be patient (who can do this properly?), try not to stress about things (can anyone tell me that they don't stress about these things?), and have faith (which I will say, is easy to say and hard to do all of the time). So, today was my pity day. I have had it. I have been applying for jobs that only require a high school degree, but I also would be thrilled to have that job too!
It is absolutely frustrating and a horrible time to be looking for a job (with the state of our economy). How do people stay positive and continue to job hunt? Are there any support groups for this? If not, lets start one. I need some motivation. In all honesty, I can't quit. Its not in my nature. Now I have become motivated to find a job just to say, "I DID IT!" I will remember when at this job on my worse day there that I worked hard to find this job and I am thankful for this job. I will be blessed to be employed!
I must admit that I need to remember how lucky I am to have my husband's career and its stable. I am happy, healthy, and loved. This is what is really important in life. So, like my husband said to me today, "Do you think Colonel Sanders quit when no one would by his chicken?" NO, I don't and boy-o-boy I go for some right now.

Reflections

Eight years ago today our lives changed forever. Some changes big, some changes small, but changes non-the-less. I remember the events of the day just like they were yesterday. I was a senior at St. Cloud State University and had a early morning class, First Responder. Now, this was a horrible early morning class because it was hard, demanding, and on top of everything required attendance. I had made it through class without being called on or made an example of (which everyone loves to be humiliated) for everyone, so breakfast at Perkins was in order. I went to the Downtown St. Cloud Perkins with a close college friend, who also was a classmate, and enjoyed our pancakes. I remember hearing a TV coming from the kitchen and couldn't remember another time that I have ever heard a TV in a Perkins kitchen. Anyway, my college friend's dad called to tell her about the first tower. We quickly went to my apartment and started watching the happenings ourselves.

My parents were on vacation in Germany and I was unable to convince my cell phone company at the time to let me call international. I was unable to contact them until I went to work hours later and dialed directly. I was beyond worried about their safety in a foreign country when someone had just attacked the United States. Little did I know that they were probably safer over there then here during this time.

In reflecting on this day, it is important to remind yourself what is important to you in life. To make some changes if necessary and to be thankful for all the things that life has brought thus far. Just remember...its never too late and don't forget to laugh along the way.

My First Post

Hello! I have decided that I need to add my thoughts and feelings into the great worldwide web. I have been wanting to do this for sometime, but was a great big chicken. I bucked it up today and decided, "Why not?" Its 9-9-09 day and it couldn't be a better day to get this started. I don't plan on bashing anyone or making this a complete rant or rave. I want to just get my thoughts down and maybe someone else will identify we some of the things I post.

Some quick background... I moved to Washington state almost a year ago after getting married to a wonderful Navy man. I am still getting acquainted with the area and miss my friends and family in Minnesota. Although it should be noted, I have met some wonderful people here in Washington as well!!

I am a Navy wife without kids, but we have a dog. No just any dog but, a Corgi. He is great and we both love him to death. Until I find a busier job, I am a part-time stay-at-home dog mom!

I want to welcome you to my blog and I hope you enjoy the posts to come! Have a wonderful day!